The Work bench

A speech from the bizzarro me

Music is pointless. I don’t understand why people get so caught up with it. Music should be something to make people dance, that’s it. I especially hate classical music, and pretty much anything before 1990 is really annoying to listen to. I’ll admit, there are a few artists I like, Missy Elliott, and Little Wayne are probably my favorites. They’ll get any party going!

I was walking through Pittsburgh last Sunday, and one of the stores was closed at noon! Why? The people who owned it were going to church! Of all the pointless things to do, going to church? That’s the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard.  Beliefs are what holds you back from partying, I always say, and nothing ever holds me back. I came to college for one thing and one thing only, to party! I go to one of the frat houses in Oakland at least once a night, and then I might go to Mount Washington and see what’s up there. The only thing that sucks about Mount Washington is that stupid trolley thing that you need to take to get up there. Who the hell cares if it’s a hundred and eleventy million years old, the damn thing is slow as hell! I honestly don’t give a damn about its stupid history; they should tear it down and put an escalator or something in its place. It would be faster and all the ignorant people who wanted to look at “the view” (whatever the hell that means) can still see it. Not that there’s much of a view anyway. All I ever see is nothing but tall buildings.

I finally figured out that the school was an old gas building today. I don’t understand why, I thought it was always just the school. Why in the world would the school move into an old building from the 1800’s? Tear the damn thing down and build something bigger, it probably would cost less. Then we might not have to wait 3 hours to take the elevator. Sometimes I don’t even go to class because of that. I might as well just sleep anyway, since the damn elevator takes so long! All I want to do is go to the goddamn second floor, why the hell do I have to wait 45 minutes for the elevator? I’m not wasting any time that I wouldn’t have anyway.

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